Living life as a single mom is certainly not easy. But that does not mean when the road had been, she could not do it.
When life becomes a single parent it should be lived, what should be done and not done? Here are the results wolipop conversation with the author of the book ‘The Single Moms’, Budiana Indrastuti, Mia Amalia and Ainun Chomsun, in Kemang, South Jakarta, Wednesday (06/06/2012):
1. Don’ts: slumped Too Old
Ainun said when he decided to separate from your partner will surely feel very down. “It may still fall, but not for too long. Longer when collapsed, the child is also in the process of sinking. He was so confused, I to whom ya, you is not no mother not stable, it’s dangerous,” said the woman known by the name on the account pasarsapi Twitter that.
2. Don’ts: Blaming Yourself
When divorced, usually women will blame themselves busy. It, too, recognized Ainun. Before parting determined, he had done it. But do not let that feeling protracted.
“Do not make the family like a target. We always assume (divorce) was a failure, as if a target is not reached, failed. I always consider this a lesson for me to be a how to be,” said the mother of a daughter that.
3. Don’ts: Making Children Should Be Pro Pion
Quite a lot when couples divorce makes children are forced to choose between two people who both love them. This is what should not be done by Mia.
“Anyone who is wrong, the more important the children are not involved in this fight. I do not want children to be pawns in favor,” said the mother of four children.
4. Don’ts: Former vilify Couple in Front of Children
Besides not want his son to be a pawn to be in favor of one parent, Mia also trying to not demonize her ex-husband to the children. “The parents, mother and father should still be proud of a good figure. I’ve been warned-warned the mother, do not be talking bad about the father of children,” he said.
What people are saying it is in line with the suggestion Mia Efnie Indrianie psychologist. He said the single mom and single dad should be able to control his words when talking about the former spouse.
“Do not embed the oblique tone of a father figure in front of the child. Dad If negative, when the child is an adult let alone judge,” says psychologist who teaches at Maranatha Christian University, Bandung was when talking with wolipop Thursday (06/07/2012).
5. Don’ts: Hide Issues
Budiana or are familiar Dian never make this mistake. He had to hide from the problem, when I had to face the days where children attend a school activity and required the presence of a father figure. Mother of a son who is now almost eight-year-old felt she had to bring perfection to his son.
“I was looking stunt man. But after a lot nevertheless think that his father did not come. Wrote that I was hiding in my problems, panic himself, but his son is fine,” he said.
Dian also told, after the book The Single Moms was released, a lot of the women in the office who then want to open up and claiming to be a single parent. “They admitted it was fun to open them. When successfully talked them happy,” said the woman who became managing editor of the lifestyle.
6. Do’s: Always Involve Children In Decision Making
Mia has always tried to involve children in decision-making, especially for things that relate to them. He said it was an effective way so that children do not feel forced into a run decision. “I train them to be children not only receive a decision, but ngejalaninnya while grumbling,” said the mother of four children who is a soap opera script writer ‘ABG’ it.
7. Do’s: One Voice by Former Couples
The division of time to meet the child must be things that can not be missed when the single mom decided to split up with her partner. When a child with her father, according to Ainun, her ex-husband should have one vote with it in some ways. For example, once she and her ex-husband agreed not to tell their daughter that her father had remarried because at that age the child is still too young.
“So kids do not get confused. Having now grown, already understand it’s gone,” said Ainun.